Rules Rant: Where Rules Go To Die
|Nork 'Derp' Deddog|
Welcome to the new Monday spot - 'Rules Rant: Where Rules Go To Die.' All settled in? Good. Let's get started!
One of the most satisfying things about this hobby, after the painting, conversions and gaming are spoken for, is the ranting. Gamers are one of the worst societies humanity has to offer. Constantly bickering, rules lawyering, whining, pining, lying, bragging and, most importantly, RAGING.
Nerds do love to rage.
And that's what this article series is about. Excavating those niggling nerd-hysteria inducing rules and entries and laying them out. Steamrolling them, stabbing them 5D6 times and tossing them off the edge of the table. Women get Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry - nerds get Rules Rant. I can make the frustration go away fellas.
Today's mark is the inspirationally titled Nork Deddog (pronounced by swallowing hard and saying 'Dead Dog' right afterwards). Our bulky friend weighs in at a titanic 110 points plus whatever unspecified amount of opportunities you can imagine and has an Ogryn's statline which is punctuated by a S and T of 5 and 4 Attacks and 3 Wounds.
The statline is where this tragedy begins. Being part of a mixed unit 40k does not care one lick what Toughness Nork has. He'll be wounded on the same roll as everyone else in the squad due to majority toughness until only he and one other model are left.
So glad I payed those points! But what else do I get?
Leadership 8? The Officer has 9.
WS 4? 15 point Bodyguards have that also. Together two bodyguards will generate 50% more attacks and will allow double the amount of wound allocation shenanigans to protect your officer. Combining the bodyguards with Nork would make a pretty hard combat unit by IG standards! Lucky for us Mr. Cruddace spotted this 'imba', underhanded combo and laid it low with a flick on his keyboard - Nork disallows the inclusion of any more bodyguards. Awesome.
But wait! There's more!
Nork also has Feel No Pain… which the medic already covered but it's nice of him to offer. He's got furious charge… but Col. "One Man Show" Straken already beefed up your CCS and thought to bring along Fearless as well (just in case you were going to mention Stubborn). For 15 points less.
Hmmm. 4+ save? If your CCS is geared for combat you already paid those 20 points to give everyone Carapace, why pay this premium again?
But you've got to give the guy points for sheer uniqueness - it's not everyday you come across a 100+ point model that allows you to lose 2(TWO!!) other far more important models upon failing a Leadership test (Loyal to the End Special Rule).
And in case your Company Command Squads had lofty ideas of riding to battle to the stirring strings of 'Flight of the Valkyries' you can have the satisfaction of grounding them since Nork's Bulky rule will keep their feet on the ground and out of a tempting Valkyrie chassis. After all, a 1st turn charge from an Ogryn (courtesy of the Scout special rule) is too devastating to even consider - meltabomb toting Veterans are far more discreet.
Sometimes GW's design team just holds up their hands and says, "Fine! We didn't playtest it, alright?! Are you happy now?!" Such instances tend to fill my Nerd Hulk Quota but instead of turning green and defenestrating my wife's MAC I think I'll give them a hand.
Bullet point time!
- Erase NORK DEDDOG entry
- COMPANY COMMAND SQUAD entry under "Regimental Advisors" add:
- Any Bodyguard may be upgraded to an Ogryn Bone'ead… +25 points (see page 42)
If it were up to me I would have included an Ogryn Command Squad to unlock a single Ogryn Squad as Troops - thus Nork would actually have a place as this would afford the unit much more flavor. Nork's point cost would still need to be drastically reduced and he would need the Eternal Warrior special rule to make the most of his "Look Out - Arghh!" rule. An Ogryn-sized special close combat weapon would be great - otherwise he'll always struggle to make wounds stick and his point cost will remain a hindrance. Such things I would write if I were around when the GW design team were working feverishly to produce Codex: IG.
Alas, I am not on the GW design team. Yet ;).